inadequate

many times jenny teases me about being full of myself, or lets word it as confidence. many times especially around jenny i do fell confident, also around people i know well i am confident. this confidence in myself comes when i fell that i can actually be myself around the people i am with.

confidence=knowing thyself

yesterday morning i started driving a 5th grader to school. he goes to our church. his parents just seperated. he and his dad moved into an apartment in our complex. the kid has low self-esteem already and now he is dealing with the impending divorce of his parents. i am from a family where my parents just celebrated their 25th anniversary, my grandparents are at 63 years and 53 years respectively. so i really have no idea what to mention to this kid that is going through all these things. the even more interesting thing is that his parents seperating does not really phase him. maybe it is that he just doesnt grasp all that is going on yet. or maybe in some strange way it is better that he doesnt have to put up with his parents in the same place. but either way i feel inadequate during this situation.

inadequate=confusion

also with my senior pastor resigning jenny and i have to figure out what is going on. i do have one lead with a church in michigan (in the thumb, 10 miles north of port huron.) in fact last night jenny and i had a phone interview with the pastor, some of the sponsors and some of the board members. (13 in all) i came away from in somewhat confused and somewhat confident. why do i feel this way? one, they might be looking for someone who can lead music (that is not one of my gifts) two, not knowing. they were also going to talk to three other candidates. three, i hate talking on the phone, sometime i feel i ramble. i would much rather talk to someone face to face. four, we are still trying to figure out if we are supposed to actually stay at this church in sc. the board wants me to stay, the church wants me to stay, the teens definately want me to stay, district leaders want me to stay. the question is do jenny and i want to stay. the answer to this question is a resounding NO. we want to get up out of this place and not turn back.

confused by reading this? just imagine how confused jenny and i are. confident? well i am too. i am confident that no matter what happens God will be there, to guide, encourage, challenge and love and then provide grace if i mess up.