how much further

many times during my childhood we would go on road trips in either the family station wagon or minivan. we would go drive hours to go see my grandparents, aunts, uncles or just to get away from the routine. when i was young or did not exactly know the route very well i would ask "how much longer." of course the answer from my parents would come with a measure of time (an hour) or length (a mile). that would shut me up until i was impatient again and asked the same question.

so many times now i ask the same question. i wonder how much further i need to go in the journey. only now i am talking about my relationship with Christ. but i am still asking the same impatient question that i did as a child?

i have been a christian for a number of years and grew up in a christian home, so i knew Christ expected me to live out my faith through works. i knew he wanted me to help the homeless and be concerned with his children dying in africa because of aids, starvation and genocide. i have observed many of my friends give of their lives to different ministries all around the world. i guess this is one reason i became a youth pastor, to live out what God was calling me to do.

but i guess i am wondering how much further still can i go? what have i not done that Christ could want from me. maybe it is because i grew up in a holiness denomination (wesleyan) that i feel this way. it is always more focused on what there is left for me to do in my life and affecting the lives around me. i have always tried to live as authentic as possible and at times that shows my failures and how much further i have left to go.

i try not put myself higher then any other christian, because we are all in different places in our journey. i just want to ask will we even know if we do arrive. i guess people in my denomination would call "arriving, " entire sanctification. but it seems like the deeper i go with Christ there is always some more that i need to give, and i just do not know how or when or if i will ever get there.

more then six years ago, the summer after my freshmen year of college i abandoned what i wanted in life (business management degree) to tell God that i was serious about giving to him what he wanted from me. i continue my life as someone trying to live out God's will rather then my own. but i still have not arrived to conclusion of my journey. is there something i am missing. i know i am headed in the right direction but it seems like i keep passing by the same place.