new years

i am not sure how you feel about making resolutions. i remember back in high school giving up soda for a year. i was pretty proud of myself for keeping the resolution. it was the only time i ever made one. so if you ask me that is a pretty good record for new years resolutions. i have found i do not really have a need for resolutions. today the biggest three resolutions are about getting in shape, quitting smoking, and not swearing. all of which are very admirable.

as you know i am a huge red sox fan. the other day while reading an interview with jacoby ellsbury, their center fielder. they asked him if he had made any new years resolution. he responded by saying. "Normally, I'm a person that will make goals all year round." so i guess he has an idea of how to get to where he feels he needs to be. it is not about making resolutions but setting goals, continually re-examining those goals and figuring out if you are reaching those goals.

i think the goal of setting a resolution is transformation. while i do not set resolutions i am all about setting goals to see life transforming change.

so for those of you that might be setting resolutions good luck. have a fun year

santa?

He sees you when you're sleeping
He knows when you're awake
He knows if you've been bad or good
So be good for goodness sake

You better watch out
You better not cry
You better not pout
I'm telling you why
Santa Claus is coming to town
Santa Claus is coming to town
Santa Claus is coming
Santa Claus is coming
Santa Claus is coming to town

from the lyrics of this song santa could be a deity or a stalker. either way i am scared of what he has become.
all we have to do is sit on his lap and he will make our wishes come true. all we have to do is believe in him.

the sound of silence

the last two weeks i have driven around in silence. you have to understand, i love music. i have never understood those who like to drive without a cd playing in the background. i also like talk radio and podcasts. but for two weeks i have not listened to a thing other then the revving of the engine and the blowing of the warm air.

you see two weeks ago my car was broken into. i noticed it on a tuesday morning as i was about to leave for work. my door was open a little as i approached and i thought, thats weird. as i walked closer i realized glass was on the ground. when i looked into the vehicle i notice the cd player had been yanked out, at about the sametime i realized why i could not find my ipod. it had also been in the car. so literally there has been no sound in my life as i have been driving or working out.

i thought that silence would be tougher. but it hasnt. in some ways i have very much enjoyed it. i have been praying a little more. i have been processing my life a lot more and when jenny rides with me a lot more conversation happens then normal. the other day i drove our second vehicle and after a couple second after turning on the car i realized there was music. it was almost a shock.

the insurance covered the cost of the cd player. but i havent been in too much of a hurry to go out and pick one up. i know if we had a long road trip coming up i would definately rush to have one installed. but for now i kind of like the silence. i am not sure if it is related to my day job. you see at the moment i work at a ymca before and after school program where there is absolutely no silence. my mornings and afternoons are filled with screaming, crying, laughter, whining. for now a silent drive is actually invited.

how big small can be

i frequently look for new music on myspace or purevolume. today i found a band that is absolutely amazing. you might have heard of them. they are starting to get quite a name for themselves. check them out at www.myspace.com/1000generations. they are very refreshing christians/ musicians with original lyrics. this is one of the songs.

My hands cannot hold the world,
But they can help someone in need,
And my cash could never end hunger,
But it will help someone to eat.

It may seem insignificant but lately,
I think sometimes we forget…

Just how big small can be,
it doesn’t have to be, all or nothing.
How big does small have to be,
for us to do something?
And find how big small can be

A fire starts with a single flame,
It’s not hard to see its attribution.
A storm starts with just a drop of rain,
And it only takes one, one man to start a revolution!

So if it seems insignificant then maybe,
It’s just that we are prone to forget…

What if one person changes one person,
Is that worth the time?
What if one difference makes all the difference
And we start to find…

a christian

i have been thinking about the definition of a christian the last few days. i had a conversation with andrew who i met when i was his youth pastor in new york. he is now studying youth ministry and business at iwu. he mentioned how a girl spoke at chapel the other day and seemed pretty mad about the direction of the church. she claimed no one took the name of christian anymore, how we are all ashamed to be associated with the church. sure i was not there and did not hear her speak on this topic, but here are some of my thoughts.

is there anything wrong with with using the term "follower of Christ," what could be so wrong about this? personally i do not think it matters what you call yourself but how you represent what you believe.

christian is defined as a "little Christ." in essence this is a great word. everybody should aim to be a little Christ. Christ is so much bigger then we are. he is the Son of God. he has no beginning and end. he is human and God. perfection at its peak. so we really do not have a shot at being "all Christ." so we settle for being a little like Him.

follower of Christ can be defined as a sheep to a shepherd. we follow him because he is our protector. but i also think it could be imitator of Christ. similar to the game follow the leader. we do things because we have seen him do it. like being a child, we see how our parents act and we learn from their example.

but in reality there is no difference. on facebook under religion i am listed as a follower of Christ but i did not do it to say i am not a christian. i never considered the possibility it might upset somebody. i gues i have more things to be worried about in my life then the semantics of who i am. i have a hard enough time living it out.

transparency and the church

i have never been great at being transparent. i do wear my emotions at all times so people know how i am feeling but for me it is hard to admit to others that i sin. sure i am open that i do sin and will even be open about some of those sins. sure i sin but it is the small sins of coveting my neigbors mustang, anger while driving. nothing that actually affects someone else. so it is ok.

i guess you could call it pride. i have been in the ministry now for 7+ years and because of this i am supposed to be good or at least better then those that i minister too. it is a hard standard to meet when you hold yourself to this kind of pressure. yesterday jenny and i visited a church where our friend is the pastor. it was a great time of worship but there were a couple things that stood out to me during the service that i would like to see more often at churches.

the first was right before we took communion. the pastor asked each one to look into his own life and confess the sin in their lives. this is something we have to do more often as christians. the second was two girls came forward probably both in the young twenties and you could see that both of them were pregnant. however there was no ring on either of their finger. they both came in front of the church to apologize for their sin. not only that they admitted that they did not feel comfortable in the church, that they felt judged.

so often when there is a single parent pregnancy it is looked down upon to the point where it is not talked about. this only causes more controversy in the end in what could have been settled easily. the transparency between these two girls should be commended. and how the church received tem is even better. they showed them nothing but love.

acts 1

our sunday school class started to study acts a couple weeks ago so i wanted to discuss a few of the things from acts that stood out to me or some others during that class.

acts is a great book. it starts out with Christ promising the disciples the coming of the Holy Spirit. it is hard to understand for the disciples because what could possibly replace Christ? he tells them that this is not the time to free israel. i think if i were one of the disciples i would start to question if Jesus was ever going to restore or if it were just talk, however Jesus did just rise from the dead so he atleast does have that on his resume. Christ tells them to spread the word about him which is really one of the few times he asks the dishowciple to tell people about him. up until now he didnt want to draw attention on himself.

Jesus does go to heaven and then the disciples walked back home to what is considered the upper room. there are 120 present and in verse 14 said they were in this for the good or until the end. they were completely together or united in which is a miracle because having 120 people united on something can be a hard task. specifically at this time unity is very important as it is up to them to carry on the gospel as Jesus had commanded to the very ends of the earth. what is also nice about verse 14 is that it says women were included.

what took place next was deciding whom would replace Judas as a disciple. we were kind of wondering what the purpose of this might be. suggestions included Jesus had chosen 12 so they wanted to keep it at 12. another was said Judas was the treasure which is a position that should be filled. yet another was that the disciples traveled by 2.

how they chose the next disciple to replace Judas is interesting. they concluded through prayer that the person must be someone who had been there since the baptism up until the ascension including witnessing the resurrection. so obviously there was some criteria that this person had to meet. they decided on two candidates and after prayer cast lots. we all kind of chuckled because we knew this would never happen today. lets draw straws to see who our pastor might be. but then this lady at our table rose her hand and said she had been a part of a church growing up that deciding things buy placing the names in a hat and drawing them out, after much prayer of course.

i am defianely looking forward to the rest of this book. i understand that i didnt touch on all aspects of acts 1 but that should give you enough to chew on for now.

lost in suburbia

the other day i left work to go to church. there was a heavy amount of traffic so i took an alternative route. i eventually came to a T in the road and decided to turn left to get back on the original road thinking that traffic might not be near as bad this far west. i passed house aftter house, subdivision after another subdivision. and then i hit a dead end. i was lost in suburbia. i eventually got out and found the road i needed.

as you might know we recently moved to north indianapolis, just a stones throw away from the very nice suburb of fishers. fishers is laden with 300-500,000 dollar homes that are no older then ten years old. without saying more it is a very nice community. i work in fishers so i come into contact with a lot of the children growing up with their parents driving land rovers, mercedes and bmws. the kids are dressed in tommy and abercrombie and are always styled very nicely.

we attend church in fishers and have enjoyed getting to meet and know several people within the church. we have been to a few of the homes which are on the higher end of the scale.

this is something i am not very used to. i grew up in a town where the average household income was 18,000. went to college in marion, indiana and also for a short while i lived on the other side of the tracks in greenville, sc. so upon moving to fishers i am a little overwhelmed to the lifestyle. the other day i drove by what i later found out was reggie millers house, probably the nicest house i have ever seen.

i am wondering though how this lifestyle effects those in it. some i have met seem very well grounded and use this position for good, helping out others. i have also signed up for the newsletter which is sent out every week and how we are consistently under budget. something tells me that we are somehow off in our stewardship. it is not like we have an exhorbiant budget but somehow we are not reaching our goals.

are we spending to much so we do not have any left over to tithe to God's kingdom or do we just not care about the work of the kingdom. are we too complacent in our nice homes and beautiful care to realize and understand what is going on in the world around us? are we just trapped or lost in suburbia? used to the designer clothing and somethat apathetic in our existence? how will we get out? how will we not allow this to become part of our lifestyle. how do we not become trapped by what seems so inviting?

connect

not that U2 has all the answers but as i thought about the disconnect between the church and the world but as this song played "randomly" on my ipod last week i thought atleast they have one. grace was first given to us as something we do not and will never deserve. how we are horrible sinful and fallen and do not deserve anything. but for some reason we were given grace. there is a way out of all the shame, guilt and horrible things that we have done. but yet as much as we, the church, have been forgiven we forget to to give grace ourselves. instead we look at others and condemn them because of the past and maybe even present.

i went home on vacation a while ago and one of my friends played a special music on his guitar at church. he introduced it as as a song that whenever he got down on himself, felt guilty about all the things he had done he goes back to this song. it is titled "what can wash my sins away?" i always go back to that moment when i saw him and remember that song. all these people who feel lost and all they need is Jeses to wash their sins away. it is not something they could do or they would have done it already.

i think this is why it is important for us to have relationships with a variety of people. whether religion or race, sex or age, poor or rich, it helps us to understand others. to see where everybody is coming from. and having these relationships without a hiiden agenda of, i am going to win these people to the Lord. but rather approaching it out of love for everybody. anyways the song i listened to was grace by U2. here are those lyrics.



"Grace" by U2

Grace, she takes the blame
She covers the shame
Removes the stain
It could be her name
Grace, it's the name for a girl
It's also a thought that could change the world
And when she walks on the street you can hear the strings
Grace finds goodness in everything

Grace, she's got the walk
Not on a ramp or on chalk
She's got the time to talk
She travels outside of karma, karma
She travels outside of karma
When she goes to work you can hear the strings
Grace finds beauty in everything

Grace, she carries a world on her hips
No champagne flue for her lips
No twirls or skips between her fingertips
She carries a pearl in perfect condition
What once was hurt
What once was friction
What left a mark no longer stings
Because Grace makes beauty out of ugly things
Grace finds beauty in everything
Grace finds goodness in everything

disconnect

yesterday in sunday school our teacher posed a question, "is it okay for those outside of the church to judge those within the church?" quite an interesting question. one that i have thought about a few different times but really havent blogged on. so here are my thoughts. and i hope to have the 2 people that might actually read this to answer the question as well.

the question was posed with a couple scenarios. the first being about a woman who was reading her bible during a break at work. she is an unbeliever and was taking a business class at iwu that required a bible study. so she was doing the class work and enter in three people who she knew went to church and were believers of Christ. this was their response. "what are you doing reading the bible? you are too unholy to be reading that."

we as christians judge the world. we look at them and say they should not be doing that. or we might even tell ourselves that we will witness to this person because they would make a good christian. i am not sure how we have gotten to this place but i know it is not a place where the church should be. why would someone come to the church when they feel judged, or they will never measure up because they have messed up so much. why would they want to follow Christ when there only representation of Christ do not even measure up themselve.

we as christians also judge other christians. we look at them and say we are better then them. we do not struggle with the same sins as they do. they also do not know near as much scripture as i do, it must because they never read the bible in their spare time. or how could they struggle with their faith. isnt faith easy. this is also a place we shouldnt be. this is why so many people have left the church. they feel judged, and if they struggle in their faith then maybe they really do not belong there.

the world might look in on all of this and say it is not for them. they like this guy named Jesus. but have never seen Jesus represented well. they look inside the church and see all the stuggle and hypocrisy. i do not want to be like them.

the church is portrayed by the church as a safe place for those outside of the church. in fact the church is one of the few places that exists for those outside of the church. but i think we forget that. we have all these things for us to grow as christians and we call it discipleship. we have all these programs that bring people together to praise God and we call it worship. during the week we small groups and bible studies and we can call it fellowhip. we do these things because we love God and want to become closer to Him

i think the answer of changing the stereotypes that people have on the church is to be more involved outside of the church. which we call outreach or service. we do this because we love our neighbors and we want to be closer to them, which we call community.

so back to the question. is it okay for the unchurched to judge the church? no one wants to be judged because it shows where we lack, how we need to grow. it is never fun to be judged but we also need to stop judging those outside the church.

programmed or learned

i have always enjoyed charles stanley and this weekend was watching him while flipping through channels but i was dissappointed. he was talking about how parents need to "program their children." let me explain he said that teens are graduating from high school asking lots of questions and they are going off to college and having them answered the professors who are atheist and very liberal. he said that they were being programmed by these professors and said that it was the parents job to program them first.

first of all i am not a parent. so i am not sure how it works. but i do believe that programming isnt the best way of going about it. a child is not a piece of technology that has different software that can be downloaded or deleted any time one wants. i do believe that children are very ingrained to trust what the parent tells them. most of what a child sees in their parents behavior is learned and will be repeated. i know a very special girl who is five. she is one of the most caring individual who is able to care for her friends and is concerned about their feelings. was this something that she was born knowing what to do or was she able to learn this from spending lots of valuable time with her mother?

what is the difference of being programmed or learning these behaviors.i see the need to correct, train, rebuke and teach but i do not want my future children to believe just because i believe. i want them to own it, personalize their faith. i want to see them grow and be doctrinally grounded but i want them to search and question. i dont want to see them programmed but i want to see them believe.

accidentally

wednesday morning i was minding my own business as i was on my way to fall creek to prepare for the core 56 (5+6th grade) program. i was driving the speed limit as i went through a very green light at an intersection as i saw the purple dodge intrepid decide to turn right into me. sometimes vehicles turn to try to hurry infront of someone but she broadsided me in the passenger side door. i am not quite sure what she was thinking but i pulled over to the side and went over to the vehicle to see if she was okay. she was shooken up but physically okay.

she was a high schooler and her parents were there within minutes. the paremedics drove the 50 feet from the fire dept to there parking lot to where she was pulled over to check her out. we were both okay the vehicles damaged a bit but we werent moving very fast so there wasnt a lot of damage done. we talked to the cops and went on our way.

i left to go to wal mart because there was some glass inbetween the tire and the rim. the tire turned out to be okay and was back on the road $10 and an hour later.

today however i came back home and opened up my mail. there were two different letters from lawyers saying they heard that i was in accident and it wasnt my fault. they were asking if i knew my rights and if i was hurt that i could take them to court. in a way i feel more violated by the lawyers then by the teen who hit me. has anybody else ever gone through this. it seems a little odd to me.

faith in the elementary school

as some of you that regularly read this blog i just started a job at a before and after school program at the ymca. it is more a of pay the bills position while in grad school rather than an i love this job and going going to make it my vocation. but it can still be a ministry. in fact i have to see it as a ministry or it wont last that long. i have also started helping out at fall creek wesleyan church in launching there brand new 5-6th grade ministry on wednesday night.

when i came to indianapolis i wasnt necessarily looking to work with elementary school ages but it kind of fell in my lap. there was a need so i filled it. but the kids have been interesting in both places. in small group the other night a kid named conner kept on bring up wrestling, i guess you could say it is his golden calf. while others are just the pastor kid/ grown up in church my whole life and Jesus is the answer to every question type of kids even though we were studying elijah and the prophets of asherah and baal. do each of them have faith, sure. just a little wild at heart.

on the school side of things this morning somehow the topic of veggietales came up and i asked them what they thought of it. these are k-4th graders. but not one mentioned liking it. the biggest reason was that they were talking vegetables and that could never happen. they said that they dont walk but bounce. i was saddened, not because they didnt like veggietales. but more because they didnt have the sense of imagination to think that vegetables could actually talk.

mike yaconelli mentioned in his book dangerous wonder that "when a person loses there imagination it loses a huge piece of his soul." he needs to be able to believe in the unreached and the impossible. because isnt faith in a way imagination, believing in things that seem impossible and unreal. miracles and faith are a part of christianity and we need to have a believe that God can and will do things.

i am not saying that the second graders faith is in trouble but it does still seem depressing that he can not be and do what should come easy to him. a world that was captured in both narnia and a bridge to terabithia. a world full of wonder.

amazing lyrics

How deep the Father's love for us,
How vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure

How great the pain of searing loss,
The Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the chosen One,
Bring many sons to glory

Behold the Man upon a cross,
My sin upon His shoulders
Ashamed I hear my mocking voice,
Call out among the scoffers

It was my sin that held Him there
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life
I knoww that it is finished

I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ
His death and resurrection

Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom

we sang this song in church yesterday. I have heard the song a lot but it has been a while. i was really taken back by the words. they are so powerful and ring with truth.

calling

i grew up going to camps and youth conferences that would express the need for people to be called into the ministry. every year no matter who the speaker was it seemed that he would give an alter call for all those who had felt a call into the ministry. at the time i really didnt understand the concept of being called into the ministry. were some people more important that God wanted them. was i less of a christian because i didnt feel that call. i had friends go up. i was happy for them, but in a way was glad it wasnt me who God was calling.

fast forward a few years. i had just finished my first year of classes full of general education courses that all students must take at a private christian college. one of those classes was called world changers, a brand new class where we as freshmen in the fall of 1999 were the introductory class to this positive, uplifting class that we can and eventually will change the world.

i didnt understand at that time what God would be callling me too, but as a freshman studying business i thought it might be as a layperson and would be able to support missionaries and other ministries because of all the money that i would make. that would definately change a lot of people, maybe not the whole world but atleast the community that i lived in.

that summer i took a position as a lifeguard at the iwu pool and was also asked to be a sponsor at a local youth group. i said sure and really enjoyed the time on wednesdays. it started to become a passion of mine, something i would look forward to and would start to schedule things around what the youth were doing.

i found myself at camp again that summer like i had many times as a high schooler only now i was the adult with the teens but yet i felt drawn to the message like dr. lo was speaking directly to me. it didnt matter if there were 500 or so others there but at that moment in time i felt that i was the only one he was speaking to. and then it happened the inevitable if you feel like you are called to the ministry "come on down you are the next contestant on the pastor for life." before i knew it i was at the alter knowing that i wanted to give my life to the direction of Christ. i had felt the call. i had finally understood what all my other friends had felt like when they received the call years before. i finally felt that God wanted me.

it has now been 7 years and i have worked in youth ministry ever since. 3 years as a youth sponsor at the same church and then the last four as a youth pastor in two local church settings. but now as i reflect on that time 7 years ago i stil ask and question myself if it really was the call to ministry that God was looking for. i am sure that God is excited every time a person realizes their "call" but i really believe that God is looking more for the surrender of that person then the realizing of a persons vocation. it was that willingness that God wanted from me so many times. he wanted me to be obedient. he wants me more to be a fully devoted follower of Him. He wants me sold out and to live my life as a sacrifice.

i think this is so much more important then the emphasis that so many people put on the call to ministry. i think we as a church are more excited when someone feels their call to the ministry but not as excited as when someone is called to work with the mentally handicapped or as a business man. that same person could be more humble, loving and willing to serve, and he or she might actually do more to change the world.

what happens when someone who feels the call but really isnt fitted for the position. everyone thanks God at the time but what is set in place for him to actually confirm that. what if this person goes to a bible college because he feels the call but the professors are not really sure about that same call. many people that i went to school are no longer serving in churches or might not even still be following Christ. were those people called to ministry or did they not make the cut because they should not have been there in the first place. was it satan attacking telling them that they were not good enough or was it churches just not hiring them because they really were not good enough.

i am not sure but i have been dwelling on this quite a bit. i have even been questioning to some point my call. but i believe that God is still calling me to follow Him in ministry. for now that means grad school and a volunteer ministry position. later it could be back in the church, maybe a college setting or an inner city ministry but i do know that he will always be calling me to follow Him.

indy

we are now finally settled in our indianapolis one bedroom apartment. we moved in a week ago today and fell like it is almost home. i definately think it will take some time getting used to the new surroundings. i am not necessarily a person who loves the city but there are some things that are starting to grow on me. we are close to jenny's family which is nice. her brother, sister in law and two kids are only about 7-10 miles away. we are going to have some good friends living close by as well.

life is anew and fresh and i am looking forward to what life brings. i started working for the ymca as an assistant site director at a before and after school program. i think it will be a good job to go along with grad school. i will be starting on-site at the iwu keystone building in the ministerial leadership. i look forward to the program and should be the type of masters that i really will enjoy.

we started attending fall creek wesleyan church and i have been asked to help lead a 5th and 6th grade program there. we are lauching it on wednesday. it should work out pretty well. steve bray has assembled a really good team to lead it. on it is a 5th and 6th grade school counselor, a childrens book author, the head of the childrens deparment in the wesleyan church, a youth pastor (me) and a couple of young kids fresh out of high school. i think it has a real opportunity to reach a group that other then young adults are the most unreached age group in the church. a little old for kids club but still not old enough for youth.

so life is moving on going forward. it will be different then what i am used to. God is changing me alot through the process of the last few months. he is opening my world up to "ministry" and "service" which i will be addressing in future blogs. as for me it is almost 1am and i woke up at 6 so i am quite tired. so i am out for the night.

prisoner

I then, as Paul—an old man and now also a prisoner of Christ Jesus— Philemon vs 9

we have been told many times that we are to be servants, to be humble. we have been told that we need to relinquish our rights and hand them over to Christ. i really have been thinking about this passage since i read it yesterday morning.

so many times as christians we have plans to have a certain job, go on a certain vacation and choose what we will do or will not do. we think we have the right for love, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. but i have been wondering what are my rights. God did say that if He provided food for the sparrows then of course he would supply our needs. but is that our right. are we deserving of anything that we have been blessed with.

i then think about being a prisoner. limited to a small confines and is only able to leave when he is told he is able. he is fed at a certain time, not when he is hungry or he is not given a choice of what he would like to eat. a prisoner doesnt have any rights of his own.

but what does that look like in the area of God's kingdom. does God care about our rights or would he rather see His will be done on earth as it is in heaven. paul i think can best say that he was a prisoner, since he was one literally, but figuratively as well. his body was worn and went without food many times, was shipwrecked and imprisoned. i do not think he chose these things, but when he chose to follow God he chose the possibility of being persecuted for his faith.

it is this choice that makes us prisoners. God wasnt the one who decided to imprison you. it is and will be our choice to be a prisoner of God.

just a though

i would drive 4000 miles...

and i would drive 4000 thousand more. it really was worth it all. to see everything that we did within a two week period. it was filled with some of the coolest sites (bear tooth pass, old faithful, the grand tetons and more). the time was filled by driving 4000 miles with stories of college as we went with two good friends justin and lindsay gentry as well as catching up, deep theological discussions as well as rants about life. it truely was an amazing experience.

our time in estes park was awesome. we tented in a valley and had the amazing rockies surrounding us 360 degrees. we were able to catch up with six others from iwu there and had a great time playing board games, hiking, checking out estes park, swimming, playing horshoes and we even rented jet skis for a while.

but now it is back to the real world where jenny and i have to find a place to live, work and worship in community. we went looking for apartments in indy today and found a couple possible places. tomorrow i will concentrate closer on looking for jobs. we have a couple churches we are looking at, we will let you know where we end up.

go west young man

10 days ago we packed up the van and headed for chicago. we spent the day at navy pier, had a tour down chicago river and celebrated our anniversary. on july 30th we met up with our good friends in naperville and headed west. the destinations would be plentiful and have actually grown since our trip began. for the first two days all we did was drive. we stopped somewhere in eastern south dakota and woke up morning to do it all over again.

we saw a sign for wall drug starting 400 miles away. despite jenny telling us it wasnt much we had to see the purpose of having about 100 signs advertise it. we thought we could stop for five minutes and be okay but we wer wrong. by stopping at this tourist trap justin and i missed out on deadwood, sd which has gunfights daily.

we drove on to billings, montana where jenny's aunt and uncle live. we stayed there a few days and took in little big horn. (custar's last stand) and then it was off to yellowstone.

we had alot of fun there. we saw elk, buffalo, and proghorn within 2o feet of us. the drive alone let us see mountains and other amazing scenery. old faithful was amazing spewing between 4-8000 gallons of water. we went on hikes, went swimming at a firehole and enjoyed low 40s at night while we shivered inside our tent.

we drove through the tetons which were definately grand and lake jenny was beautiful as well.
we are now in colorado springs and yesterday went to the garden of the gods. today we will be going to meet james dobson at focus on the family.

community

i am learning more about what community is and what it should look like. two weeks ago i was able to be a counselor at rainbow christian camp. (where jenny attended as a teen and worked during summers.) it was an amazing camp where we and another pastor led a small group throughout the week where we would meet and debrief over the days events. we became a pretty tight nit group and were able to be quite transparent with each other. it seemed like each one of us were in a period of searching. the other pastor had resigned his job the day camp started. and the teens were either all going into their senior year or had just graduated from high school. that week we had community.

this past week i read the book "the irresistable revolution" by shane claiborne. it was the most inspirational and what i hope to be transforming book i have ever read. (yeah yeah of course other then the bible, but i hope you realized that already but just in case i felt i should add this.) he took chances for the kingdom, for community and for love of his neighbor. i am not sure how exactly this book will change me but if i can learn to love my neighbor like shane does then it will be worth it. this is a guy who has been persecuted for his faith. he has been in jail. he was in a car accident caused by a u.s. missile in iraq. he has slept in the cold, gone without food, boycotted taco bell because of unfair wages to migrant workers. this book showed me more about community.

tomorrow we leave for chicago. jenny and i will celebrate 3 years of marriage. . so for about 24 hours we will celebrate that as we spend the day on lakeshore dr, walk navy pier, maybe go into a museum, enjoy dinner together. but she more then anyone has taught me about community.
then on monday morning we will wake up in our best western hotel (thanks to the kindness of bob keisinger) in naperville, il (a suburb of chicago) eat our free continental breakfast and pick up our friends justin and lindsay for a short 20 hr drive to montana. we will stay in billings with jenny's aunt take in the sites at bighorn for a couple days and then head to yellowstone and the grand tetons. we will be tenting at grant village for three nights right on yellowstone lake. i am really excited about vacationing with such good friends as justin and lindsay. we are both in the same place in life as we are looking for jobs in the indy area. justin and i will both be starting grad school in nov at iwu. after we leave yellowstone we will be going to rocky mountain national park and meet up with more college friends. i am looking forward to the community.

i miss the community we had back in college. able to hang out all the time either playing cards or eating every meal together. we all became pretty close. something i havent really had for the last four years. sure i had some good friends but i think college sets you up in how you view community. i hope for that community again.

christianity: a paradox?

as defined by dictionary.com a paradox is a statement or proposition that seems self-contradictory or absurd but in reality expresses a possible truth.

it seems a bit weird but i have found that i am living a paradox. christianity with all its truth is surrounded by the absurd or contradictory things. let me explain. in the beatitudes we have the statement that says "blessed are the poor." by the worlds standards being poor is not a blessing at all. in fact some see it as a curse.

in matthew it also discusses the first shall be the last and the last shall be first. which is quite complex as well. if i am last how on earth can i be first?

romans 12 says i am to be a living sacrafice. it is a lot to rap your mind around. very contradictory but like the definition of a paradox expresses a possible truth. but this might be a reason why people are so confused with christianity. it expresses views that sometimes are hard to understand.

i hopefully will have some more time to expound on these ideas in other blogs. these are just a few of the paradoxes. do you have any that you have been chewing on? as for now i will let you go.

unemployment

it has already been more then a month since we first rolled out of pulaski. a month with no responsiblitiies and no schedule. it seems kind of weird. i am used to rolling out of bed early and getting ready to go to work. but since june 11th i have not set an alarm. i am still wondering about this new found freedom i have that is not bound by meetings, appointments, hospital visits and the youth. to tell you the truth i miss it. i miss the structure and feeling like i am doing something important.

as to date we have traveled over 3000 miles and been in the car 65 hrs. alot of driving. everything that we need is packed in a 2001 dodge caravan and everything we thought we could live with throughout the summer is in storage back in pulaski.

we heard back from bethel college. they decided to hire some graduates of the school instead. jenny was pretty uneasy about the position anyway so it is probably for the better. so because of that we are able to go out west. hopefully we will be able to fit in yellowstone, the grand tetons, las vegas and the grand canyon before we end up in colorado to visit with college friends.

i realized i forgot my bible at my parents house and tomorrow we head to jenny's church camp that she grew up at. i think i might go buy one tomorrow so i dont show up to camp without a bible. i would be a great example for all the high schoolers.

so it looks like we will probably be moving to the marion or indianapolis area. not quite sure. grad classes at iwu start on sept 25 so we have a while to work on housing, jobs and all that stuff. we will be arriving back from the west mid to late august so plenty of time. so if you live in those areas and know of some available housing or jobs let us know. see you later.

i said hey _____________________?

whats going on?

our life has been laid back. i am quite sick of riding in the car. in the last two weeks we left ny to go to indiana for an interview and made a surprise visit to jenny's dad for fathers day. i was able to see some really good friends (brooks, steve and michelle, their two kids, michael and manda). we then left indiana to head to maine. since a this past sunday we have traveled to bar harbor for four days, and my father and i went into boston yesterday for the sox game. we bought tickets from my uncle who shares season tickets with some other people. they won 2-1. tonight we are back in houlton. all in all i have been in the car 51 hours give or take. which is about 1/7 of my time.

it has a ll been good times and for the most part very relaxing. we still havent hear from bethel college about the job there. it has been 10 days since the interview and i am wondering what is going on with that. luckily i am a patient guy but i am assuming that they arent going to offer it to us or they would have by now. they did say they had a few more interviews to conduct so maybe that is the case too who knows. i will let you know when i know.

as far as the rest of life all i am considering at this point is what i will do first when we get to the cabin on east grand lake monday; water skiing, kayaking, knee boarding or tubing? decisions... life is rough at this moment.

other thoughts i have had the past week:
where will we end up?
that was the best burger i think i have ever had.
should i go to the outdoor or indoor pool?
where are we eating tonight?
what am i going to order?
i think i might be allergic to cats.
fenway is the greatest ballpark
jenny is hot

as you can see life is good. but i am starting to get restless. as much fun as i had this week. i am realizing i am a long way from retirement. i really need to be involved in something with a purpose and a deeper meaning. i need to have a ministry. there is a ministry position out there whether it is at bethel or somewhere eles waiting to be filled. now i need to find it. in the past i have made comments about the position needing to be a paid position and i feel that comment is limiting something of great potential. i do not want to limit God on wheree we will end up. today my friend jr mentioned something about going over to the nazarene church. all i know is i do not want to limit God.

new blog

check out the blog of our summer. we will take a minimum of 6 weeks off and we will see from there what else we will do. i will continue to update this blog and jenny will tell everything from her side.

http://www.livinginourvan.blogspot.com/

or check out the link of excellent adventure to the side

leaving

tomorrow is my last sunday at pulaski wesleyan and to bluntly tell you how i feel about leaving, it sucks. my heart yearns for this place. i was hoping to stay here for years to come. in the last year i have seen teens transformed. to look at them a year ago and to look at their lives now i am so excited to see what God has for them. i have seen the church grow immensely over the past two years and want to see where God will move in the future. the last 6 months we have had a vision committee meeting and talking about what is next in the building process here. i have seen three successful mission trips to new orleans (going on the first). i have seen babies born and start walking and running. it has been an amazing journey while here. and that is why it sucks so much to know God is leading us else where. i dont want to leave, this has been my home and i could have been very comfortable here in my position.

that is possibly the reason i need to leave. i am not sure what God has planned for us in the future. it is pretty scary. but i know if God is asking us to leave a place we love then the place he has for us must be pretty amazing. i see doors starting to open. i see God moving. but not necessary on to many of the details at this moment. that is okay, still scary but okay.

sunday is the annual church picnic and jenny's and mine last sunday here as youth pastors at pulaski wesleyan. we already had our tear jerker of youth service yesterday. they presented us with a scrap book with a different page made by a different teen.

boxes are starting to be filled and moving is starting to be a reality. mat kearney's song "where we gonna go from here?" has been played quite a bit and is also my prayer for now.

interesting morning

today i woke up unplugged my cell phone and walked out of the bedroom like i do almost everyday. it was 7:30 and almost imediately as i walked out of the room the phone rang in my hand. it was the church number so i answered to a frantic voice. it was wanda asking if i had been to the church that morning. i said "no, i just rolled out of bed." she said "the door is wide open with desk drawers open as well as the church safe." she asked me to come over and wait with her while the cops were on their way. so i brushed my teeth and walked over.

after further inspection we notice that a few doors had been jimmied open and the safe was cracked by someone who had found 3 numbers written on a piece of paper deeply buried in the back of wanda's desk.

this isnt the first time i have heard of a church burglarized and everytime i hear of one happening there are always a few more in town that have been hit. we later find out that the calvary baptist church in town was hit.

i am not sure how desperate you need to be to break into a church. they stole about $120, 3.5 sheets of 20 stamps, and a cordless phone. i feel saddened, not at all mad, by what happened. i feel for the soal that did this. was his family needing food or did he just need some drug money. either way it is sad. please pray for the individual(s) involved. have a nice day. i am off to rehearse for our comedy show on saturday.

what is ahead?

i have been bombarded by questions the last few weeks on what is ahead for jenny and i and truthfully i do not know. am i worried? i probably should be but i am relying on God in the fact that he doesnt take away without giving you something to replace it. my whole life i have had a schedule whether it has been school, work or life in general. i need to be this place by a certain time so i am not late. or i have to graduate college in 8 semesters because that is the norm. even vacations have somewhat been planned. i need to check in to the hotel by this time or make a certain flight.

starting june 11th i have no plans. jenny and i are talking about visiting our friend in south carolina, probably going up to maine over the 4th of july. maybe after that we will drive out west and visit friends and family in montana, colorado, go see the grand canyon. i only have one resume floating around out there that has some potential but if that falls through i am okay. in God's timing a position of some sort will come up. then i will go back to a schedule. right now i am looking forward to not having plans.

some of the things that people have talked to me about doing:
church planting in greensboro, nc (sounds like fun, esp. with a good friend)
rd at college- this sounds good, mentoring, discipleship in a college atmosphere (this would be a good place to start so i can go toward my goal of being a college chaplain.)
assistant pastor somewhere: sounds nice, but havent seen or heard of to many opportunities to do this.
go back to school: this would be a great option. i need to learn more. is it too late to apply for fall?

this is a great situation to be in. i think i am going to enjoy the journey wherever God takes me to get to where he wants me to be.

no easy way

i have now been at pulaski wesleyan 2 years. as you have read in my blogs the past two years i have loved every minute of it. i love the church, the pastoral staff, the youth. we made a home here. this has been an amazing experience that i will always look back on and say i saw so many amazing things happen there. in the two years we have gone from 270 and grown alot the last month we have average 400. people are coming to know Jesus every week. in the last 10 weeks we have seen 12 come to follow him and last week we baptized 6 of them. but as you have probably already realized i am speaking in the past tense. last night after church conference i made my resignation official to the newly elected church board.

it is hard to leave something you love. the last couple months i have been agonizing on what my life might look like. if i was really cut out for youth ministry. was it a calling or just something that i enjoyed. last wednesday i met with the staff and it really confirmed what i already knew. youth ministry is just not for me. my personality, gifts and strengths or i guess you could say SHAPE is not really suited for youth ministry.

i am starting to look ahead now. what is in my future? i have no clue. it is kind of interesting and i am not sure how often this happens but over a long distance cell phone conversation with my friend dave, i realized that a few of our friends from college including myself have less of a clue on what they want to do know then 4 years ago when we graduated from college. or maybe i am narrowing my vision by knowing now that youth will not be a part of the equation. i guess it is all about perception.

while this is one of the toughest decisions i have ever made. (i have cried more in the last week then i have in the last 10 years combined.) i am at complete peace. i will miss this place called pulaski. i will miss the church we called home for 2 years. but i am looking forward to the adventurous journey ahead.

when did religion become bad?

it seems like every where you turn in the church. people are saying i am not very religious, or it is not about religion but it is about a relationship with Jesus. i do not want to be overcome by semantics. i understand that i need to have a relationship with Christ. i understand that he can be our best friend. someone we can rely on when things are rough or someone we can celebrate with when things are great. part of our relationship is spending time with him on a regular basis through bible reading and prayer and any other way that you can connect with him.

but there is something more that Christ wants from us then a relationship. he wants our commitment. he wants us to love him and our neighbors. he wants us to feed the hungry, clothe the poor, visit the imprisoned.
in james 1:26-27 if someone doessnt keep a tight rein on his tongue then his religion is worthless. and religion that God our father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows.

i think we need some more religious people in the church. it cant be just about relationship but our religion needs to stem from our relationship with Christ. it would be hard for me to follow someone i do not love and believe in there message. so instead of saying i am not religious or religion is for me. i am glad i have found religion. i say thank God for religion.

suffering3--displace me

this year pulaski high school started a global awareness club. they picked a subject that they wanted to raise money for. they chose to raise money for a high school in northern uganda among the refugee camps. they picked a goal to raise 10,000 dollars. at one of their fundraisers (dinner, movie, auction) they showed the movie "invisible children." a funny and entertaining 45 minute documentary on the displacement camps in uganda. it was at this dinner they also gave information on a trip they would be taking to washington dc a week later for displace me. displace me was a peaceful rally to grow awareness on what is going on in uganda and try to see results from it.

i took a long shot and asked the lady in charge (jill) if it might be possible that i could go. she knew i was a youth pastor and jumped at the chance. so this past saturday i woke up at 5am to meet at the school to be a part of a group of 60 give or take for displace me. i was somewhat excited about the rally but the opportunity for me to meet more teens was a great chance for outreach. (please pray for the seeds i planted, that i will be able to water and see God grow the seeds)

the trip lasted approximately 42 hrs. when we arrived in dc at 4pm we set up our home for the night. we made a village out of cardboard amongst more home of card board. overall there were about 6,000 in attendance who also slept in their makeshift home. during the evening they showed new videos of what was happening in uganda. they had us write letters to senators, call 5 friends to tell them about what was going on. the most interesting thing for me was how one would eat in a refugee camp. the women would get the water and the men would be the hunters. so they gave us this task. for food the whole time we were there was water and saltine crackers. it was the womens job to bring water. they would have to wait in a line for water but could only grab one water at a time and bring it back to the men until everyone had water. the same thing happened for the guys with saltines. it made it a chore, it was part of their custom.

that night we went to bed in our cardboard cabin as the temperature declined and the humidity increased. i didnt sleep to well and ended up awake more time in the night then i was asleep. my body ached because of the cold and i am not sure if i was drifting in and out of sleep or a coma. i ended up walking around for a while til i warmed up and then would go back to bed. it made it for a long night. i was especially estatic to see the sun rise. i am not saying this to complain but to say i was displaced. i was uncomfortable with my surrounding for those 5-6 hours during the night. that little time of suffering made me really reflect on the refugee camps in uganda realizing that something like this wa happening for the last 21 years. some of these kids that this affected most had never known life without war and without a home.

we followed the night up with a tour of the holocaust museum. obviously another tragedy where countless people suffered. this weekend i was displaced. i was taken for a ride through some horrible images and emotions but lucky for me it was only a weekend. i was able to come home to my nice bed and be grateful for what i had. through suffering we can find a hope and a joy. unfortunately for those in uganda there is not much joy.

suffering2

we talked yesterday about trust. trust is essentially a very easy thing to do when things are going okay. however when things are array how are we at trusting. specifically yesterday we talked about trusting God when things are horrible. when things are at its worst. we ask ourselves, "why did God allow this to happen?" "how can he be a loving God if something like this happens?"

romans 8:28 is almost always brought up in these circumstances. "and we know that in all things God work for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." it brings hope and comfort for those who love God. but what about those who do not have a relationship with him. what if someone decided to become a christian because of this verse knowing that God will work out the good for him, but then tragically loses a child or a spouse, maybe becomes paralyzed or loses their home to a fire.

i ask myself these questions everytime i pray for naomi, a fifteen year old in our community that is a christian who has been in a bed for atleast a year due to leukemia, and now has to go through excruciating physical therapy to gain back use of her legs and arms.

i think of it everytime i think of jason and julie gasorowski. a youth pastor and wife from michigan who lost there baby in a car accident in which the majority of julie's body was burned.

unfortunately there is suffering in this world. suffering for those who are believers and unbelievers alike. sometimes people die before their time. sometimes the greatest person in the world who has devoted his life to helping out the needy in the inner city is beaten. but people still continue to ask God why.

God has obviously given us the gift of free will. this allows us to have personality. to wear the type of clothes that we like and listen to the type of music we enjoy. it is this same free will that allows us to choose to follow or forget Christ. the same free will that allows us to choose to take two handguns and kill 32 people on the virginia tech campus and then take your own life. the same free will that allows you to drive your vehicle to the store to purchase some groceries and that same free will that allows someone else to get in another vehicle while intoxicate. unfortunately horrendous accidents and choices are a part of life.

someone is sexually molested by a pastor or mistreated by a youth sponsor. board members can be there for recognition or to because they like the power. unfortuantely the church is not void of suffering, and this for people inside and out of the church can use this as a reflection of who God is and who He is not.

fortunately these things dont have to be seen as a punishment from God or that God allows these things to happen because he likes to see his people suffer. that is not the God i serve. God wants his people to cohabitate in peace and love his neighbor. he wants us to get along and serve each other. and even if 100% of the people on earth did this there would still be cancer, accidents, depression and injustice.

but in the end, eventually, all things do work together for the good of those who love him. we just need to learn to trust.

suffering

i try and grasp my mind around the concept of suffering. that is correct i said concept. because in reality i have no idea or could ever grasp my mind around suffering. you see, my life, like the majority of people that read this blog have no idea what suffering really is about. i have been reading "this beatiful mess" by rick mckinley who has devoted a chapter of helping his readers understand a little bit more about what is going on around them.

we are aware of darfur. but how much have we actually acted on? maybe it is because that we have no clue what on earth is actually happening half a world away. we read about paul and all the beatings that he took and how his appearance probably wasnt what we expect. he was beaten and stoned. he probably did not look like you and i.

maybe we can not understand suffering because we think of suffering as such a horrible thing. paul was arrested a few times throughout scripture. but today "we" live in a world that is tolerant of us sharing our faith. but yet we do not think about how in many closed countries today people have suffered for the kingdom of God. maybe it is because we cannot comprehend the idea of it or just do not want to take chances. how many of us have actually been persecuted for what we believe.

today we have grown up in a place that looks for pleasure. we need the good feeling of life treating us well. that might be the comfort of living in a nice home or driving a nice vehicle. but we live in a culture of sensuality and excess. if it feels good, do it. if you like it do it more.

i sit in my office today and realize it is april 17 but as i look out my window i see snow falling from the sky. so i complain because i have to wear a jacket rather than being able to go golfing. i live a pretty comfortable life and have no idea what suffering is but i wish i did. i might have more empathy of others who are going through lifes disasters. this being the day that followed the biggest shooting ever in the history of the united states on a college campus. those students, professors, their families and others are suffering. and i wish i could do something.

Rick McKinley wrote that it is hard to believe that you need God on a daily basis. and i tend to agree with him. my life is comfortable. i have everything i need and more. why is it that when we are in places like this it almost makes us forget that we need and rely on who God is.

multi-staff church

i have been thinking a lot about how lucky i am to be on a multiple staff. we have three full time pastors and a full time office manager to help run the show. we are all able to balance each other pretty well. bud (the senior pastor) is the ultimate people person. he would rather be hanging out with others then planning the sermon although he preaches really well too. but relationally he is top notch. he can relate with everyone at every different level. everyone loves him. greg(assistant) was officially hired to do everything that bud didnt have time to do. greg oversees and organizes all the ministries of the church lifestudies (sunday school), minichurch (sermon based small groups in multiple homes), music (he leads the worship team) he is basically the organized pastor. i am then left to manage youth ministries which is nice because i have a focus.

we all do visitation, premarital counseling, host dinners, host our own minichurch.

where one of us might be week the other is there to fill in the gaps. when one of us doesnt have time to do something we help each other to achieve the job possible. then wanda is their to keep us all in order so we are able to get it done efficiciently. it is great. but the four of us do not finish the multiple staff.

i have also been wondering how it would work in a church where there is only a solo pastor. he cant be a jack-of- all trades but in a sense he has to. but then i considered that we do not do everything ourselves. for that i am thankful. i would be a lot more tired. i would be burnt out. when i considered that every church if done right is a multi-staff church.

here are the staff positions that i came up with for our church. imagine if we had to do it all.

we have 9 board members
we have multiple life studies (nursery--adults) teachers
we have "women in ministry" who leads dinners for shut ins, prayer chain, puts together dinners and more
we have multiple mini church leaders
we have people who lead discipleship groups
we have others that are involved in the evangelism ministry
+ music team
+ sound techs
+ visual team
+ moms group
+ garden club
+ tellers
+ treasurer
+ trustees
+ kids club workers
+ youth sponsors
+ trash collection
+ custodians
+ counselors

i think i could go on and add a few more. but it is obvious that we are not a 4 person staff. we have at least a hundred people that are involved in some form of ministry. they are unpaid but as much needed as the paid staff that we do have. so i am thankful for all of those involved. and remember those who are "solo pastors" you always have someone else helping you.

what legalism can do

warning! please read the whole article before making any opinions. these are some of my experiences throughout my lifetime. they may not be the most correct view at times but i have always seen growth to get to where i am now in my beliefs.

in high school i had many catholic friends. they were some of the greatest friends. however i saw things in some of their lives that didnt seem right. even though they proclaimed a faith in the same God i followed it did not seem to change their lives. not that i can really talk because in high school i really did live out my faith like i should have either.

in college i took a class which we talked about roman catholicism. it was a great class that opened my eyes a little to my legalist view on the catholic church. prof. horst opened my eyes to be a little bit more accepting of the catholic faith then just what i had learned and accepted of them from my experiences with a few of them in high school.

in ministry i have met many former catholics that now attend our church. they talk about the lack of the gospel talked about in church and how they never experienced the love of Christ until after they had left the catholic church. i am still trying to understand the catholic church. in many ways i can see the goodness and hope that it provides. but if so many former catholics havent found out about the gospel then how can this be? were they catholic by name only? or did their parish only teach from the "other books."

until the other day i never thought of how roman catholics view us (protestants). i was out to lunch with a someone who used to go to our church now turned catholic. i have come to the point where this is okay. if that is where he needs to be then more power to him. i did ask him during the time that we were together why he left the church.

we then went on to discuss the four pillars of the church, martin luther, freedom, baptism and more. he then went off on me because i continue to be wesleyan. he said that he accepted i was a follower of Christ but then went on to tell me that i would never be able to live my faith out to the full. he told me i was in rebellion to God because i was not part of the "one church."

i went on not to condemn him but how i worried that this legalistic view could hurt his realtionships with his friends and his wife (who still attends our church). i told him that i didnt worry about him leaving our church to become catholic but that i worried he would shut everyone out of his life that did not have the same beliefs he did.

i went on to tell him that he and i would have to learn to focus on the majors of christianity rather then the minor stuff that we didnt agree on. he continued to tell me that there were only majors in christianity and if i didnt see that then.

i then asked him how his back was doing as he is on disability because he just had back surgery a month or two ago. unfortunately he missed the point. and i definately do not want to put any other catholic in the same boat as he is in. but at the same time there must be others who believe the same as this man. and my heart hurts.

please help me pray for this man.

withdrawal

i dont think you can realize how much you will miss something until it is already gone. i needed it. i was addicted. i loved it with all my heart. when i said good bye i thought i was going to cry. i felt like i had lost all my super powers.

almost six years i bought my first car. it wasnt anything flashy or sporty. it wasnt the nicest car but it ended up being the most dependable car. i spent $4400 on it. it was a white honda civic. during the six years i traveled quite a bit. i am originally from maine and went to college in indiana. so i am not sure how many times i made that drive. i had an internship in delaware for a summer and drove back and forth twice with a trip to maine in the middle. i lived in south carolina and drove to indiana a few times from there.

overall i put about 80,000 miles on the car. i bought it with about 115,000 miles on it and when i sold it for $1500 this past friday. my only regret was that i wont be the one drive 200,000 mile. it is kind of ironic really that i sold it to a college student who will also be driving back and forth to iwu and is also a ministry major.

some of the memorable moments:
driving through multiple snow storms
my first accident happened when i was driving jenny (now my wife) home to meet the parents.
road trips with friends to concerts, spring break and a last minute drive to michigan
it has been pranked with oreos and toilet paper
blown tire on the way to myrtle beach
stopping at a truck stop to catch a quick nap on the way back from a wedding

i ended up buying a caravan to replace it. i figure i would need it to tote around all the kids. i should say teens from my youth group. hopefully non of you thought jenny was pregnant.

the var gave me everything and more i could have ever asked of it. and averaging 40 miles a gallon it saved me a lot of money. good but old friend.

speaking and the heart

last week i was approached by a friend after playing basketball at the local high school. he attends our "band of brothers" (tuesday bible study for men.) he asked about some comments that were said in the previous weeks study. i cringed before he said it because i knew exactly what he was going to mention. the week before some how we were on the topic of iraq and other muslims. in life a lot of time we make general statements that can be offensive. how we bring together and bash that group of people. for example, all muslims are bad.

obviously that is not true. i think we all know we can not say general statments like that. 1. it isnt true and 2. it seems hateful and spiteful to group all muslims in the same group as those who flew into the world trade towers. 3. we are christian who need to show love rather then hate.

it is all dangerous. because it shows what is "overflowing from our heart." sin is obviously a dangerous thing that in times in our life seems out of control. but it is these sins that show our true character and integrity.
we all deal with different types of sin and none of it being good. in my life i have conquered sin of wanting to pick up a porn magazine, the potential of drunkeness as well as others. but does that specifically mean i no longer sin. no, i just deal with other types of it.

before i was married i thought i was a great christian. then i realized after a few months of it that i was a very prideful person that needed to learn to be more compassionate and loving. things we say are an overflow from our heart. if i say something hurtful to jenny, it can be traced right back to my heart.

we all know people that struggle with things in their life. while it may be drunkeness, self control, homosexuality or are just lost because they do not know Christ. the example brought up this morning was, maybe we are joking around about being gay. but in that same group there is someone who struggles with the attraction to the same sex. will we ever be approachable by that person to tell us that they are struuggling in that issue.

we talk about loving Christ and our neighbor, but sometimes with one joke we can lose all credibility that we had. we need to learn to love through "all" we say and do as it is an overflowing of our heart.

30 hours without food

this past weekend. our youth group hosted 30 hr famine. this is a very popular event that many youth group have. instead of giving this year to world vision and really never able to see a change from it, i decided to pick a local food bank that the youth group has helped out a couple of times in the last few months. this food pantry although located in a small town of maybe 1500 people serves an average of 50 families per month.
so we wanted to do something that would affect our community as a large.

on friday we had a benefit concert where admission was $2 or a canned good. through that we raise about $200 and received approximately 200 canned goods. it was an amazing concert and we had a lot of fun doing it. on top of the concert teens raised support which amounted to another $300 give or take a few dollars. i can not wait to deliver all of this to sandy creek food pantry. so not only did we raise money for a good cause we had a great outreach to teens. we had about 130 people at the concert. i gave a short talk on how we need to help save lives not just temporarily by giving money and food but how we need to alsso think about saving lives eternally. i know a lot of seeds were planted so please pray for this.

did that just happen?

i keep trying to tell myself this must be a dream. did that just really happen? to start out i must tell you that i am the only pastor at the church this week. bud is in maine dealing with family matters and greg is in pennsylvannia on a short break with his family.

this morning started as a all tuesdays do. i woke up for band of brothers (mens bible study) at 6am. and then headed to breakfast with a few of the guys from there. my meal had just arrived. i salted the eggs and took a bit of bacon as my cell phone rang. steve (our church treasure) was on the line to tell me charlie bates had passed away. remember i am the only pastor in town. so i hang up and break the news to the guys around the table.

charlie is a great individual. he is in his late 70's. he is one of those guys that will always have a smile on his face.

so i scarf down some of my breakfast. chuck and i head over to charlies and doris to consol doris. on the way their i call bud to tell him. we arrive at the house. well she is not there. we figure she is with the body making arrangments for everything. so i track down charlies son and ask them about the situation. he doesnt know anything.

i receive another call from the church secretary (wanda). she tells me that charlie did not die but yet only through out his back. so i am relieved but very perplexed trying to figure out how someone came to the conclusion that charlie had passed away.

steve, had heard it on his police scanner. ladies and gentlemen this leaves me to my last point. take a baseball bat andn beat the scanner to pieces.

back on the wagon

i wanted to dive a little more into the issue of drinking. we discussed it a little a couple posts back. i think we can all agree that drinking alcohol is not a sin. i know plenty of good solid christians who have controll over there drinking and it does not affect their spiritual lives the least bit. however many lives are destroyed by drinking, and how these lives become destroyed are very much sinful acts.

a couple days ago i sat and talked to a guy in his early fifties about his father. his father was one of the nicest guys you could ever meet until he was drunk. he was mean and abusive. this is a sin. the same drunk would not pay any of the bills with his paycheck. he would spend it all on alcohol forcing the family to get by on the mothers wages as a waitress. this is a sin.

i have also known a few families who have lost love ones because they have been in accidents caused by a drunk driver. this is a sin.

i struggle with the idea of drinking alcohol because it seems like everybody's personality changes when they drink. maybe they lose reign of their tongue, which is a sin. they can lose self control, which is a sin.

i will never look down on someone because they decide to have a drink of alcohol. but i still do not understand any good thing that comes from alcohol. a lot of people drink wine because in moderation is good for your heart. but i have also heard that the same effect is seen in taking an asprin.

as for being a wesleyan, in a denomination that believes in the idea of holiness as being set apart from the "worldly ways" i believe there are two good ways that are not sins but the world can see as a good witness from our actions. one is drinking which i have just discussed. people will respect you for your choice of not drinking. the other is swearing, putting4 letter adjectives into a sentence to emphasize you stance on something. if the wesleyan church is going to be set apart then there should be some actions behind it.

members only

it has come to my attention in the past few weeks that we in the wesleyan church are possibly in a bigger crisis then i thought. it has a lot to do with the idea of drinking and membership. before i go further let me tell you a story of some of the things that have gone on at pulaski wesleyan in the last 6 months or so.

we have 11 adult groups that meat in homes weekly to discuss sermons, have bible studies and create community, which we call mini-church. during one of the minichurchs membership was discussed and some in the group found out that the wesleyan stance on drinking.

one of these couples left the church over the idea. another couple decided to continue attending but at least for now not consider being a member. we like many other churches have tons of people within the church that partakes in the occasional beer or glass of wine. which i have no problem with.

we also have a couple in the church. the husband a covenant member and the wife a community member. reasons of which you might be able to figure out. not that the wife is a lush or that she even drinks, but she does want to necessarily feel covicted about the concept of having a drink.

i do not want to address the idea of member being able to drink. what i want to address is the concept of why do we have the covenant and community member. the couple that left the church did not leave the church because we say to be a member you must give up drinking. they had a problem with the idea of being second class members. what is the purpose for community membership. you still cannot vote or be involved on the board.

so what happens with all those in the church that do have an occasional beer?

more to be posted on this idea later. what do you think?

so others may live

this weekend i watched "the guardian" with kevin costner and ashton kutcher. other then the fact it was a top gun rip off i really enjoyed the movie.

kevin is an old swimmer from the coast guard who loses his whole crew in alaska. he tends to have a lot of flash backs about losing his friends. ( sound familiar maverick and goose). they send him to teach at the a-school. (enter ashton) the young punk kid who excels at everything. kevin spends the movie teaching ashton it is not about himself.

during the movie they flashed this line across the screen. "so others might live." it reminded me of the christian purpose. dont we live our lives so others will see truth in us. dont we live our lives focused on the other in order so they might live. of course you can not really compare us to the coast guard because they just temporarily save people. i am definately not wanting to take away from the coast guard. i am very thankful that they risk their lives to save others.

but it just makes me wonder. if the coast guard is willing to risk their lives for saving someones life temporarily. then what should we do as christians be willing to do to save lives eternally?

did i make the right decision?

there are times in each of our lives when we ask ourselves, "did i make the right decision?" we look into the past of our lives whether immediate or years ago and wonder, should i have done that? did it benefit anypart of me? or would i be where i am today if i had not made that decision so long ago. some decisions we make effect us long term or maybe for just the next twenty minutes.

for example many times in college, my friends and i would drive the 2 miles or so to taco bell for a our "fourth meal." and while i enjoyed the many chili cheese burritos and nacho cheese chalupas everytime, about twenty minutes later the term taco bell run had a new meaning. and i asked myself "did i make the right decision about going to taco bell?" while that decision only stuck with me for a night, other decision stick with us even longer, possibly even a lifetime.

for example.

when i was a senior in high school, i made the decision to attend indiana wesleyan even though it was 1300 miles away from home. at times after i made the choice i wondered, "did i make the right decision?" it has now been 8 years since i made the choice to go to iwu and i can tell you it was the right decision. it was at iwu where i received my call to the ministry. it was also where i met jenny, who i have been married to 2 1/2 years. this decision has obviously effected the greater scheme of my life for the better.

although i have made other decisions in my life that i regret. and could make life altering decisions in the future i have learned that i need to take responsibility for my decisions. whether good not bad. although i continue to go to taco bell.

gathering

i know a lot of other people will be blogging on the gathering so i do plan to make this brief and give you my favorite parts of of the conference.

it started with a bang. anthony graham started the conference with my favorite message of the conference. he articulated his thoughts on holiness and called all the pastors to a new level in the personal lives. thanks anthony for holding us accountable.

kevin myers the following morning was great. he showed us the meaning of what marriage is all about. and when we focus on Christ how it will shape and mold our marriage in the right direction.

anthony and kevin were the two wesleyan main event speaker and no offense to the other speakers (anne graham lotz, bill hybels and ed stetzer) showed a lot more passion and knew the reason for speaking at the conference in the first place. next time i would like to see all wesleyan speakers.

robin mark was the perfect choice for worship leader. he bridged the gaps of all ages at the conference from some of the youngest to the oldest attending. i was kind of dissapointed that he didnt play more of his original songs. but it showed that he was there to lead worship not plug his name to sell cd's inwhich i never found a booth to buy his cd's anyway. he showed class and you have to love the accent.

tim hawkins was also a highlight for me. one of the funniest men ever. enough said.

during the conference i was able to see people from all kinds of different points in my life. it was great to see my 4th grade teacher (vaughn martin), who has since become a children's pastor. i was able to connect with a good friend (jeremy cummings) from high school and youth group who is also a youth pastor. my senior pastor and youth pastor from high school, who are both still at the same church continuing to pastor my parents and my brother. my college pastor (gale janofski) from brookhaven. friends from college (josh keesling, john and danielle freed, brooks and jill sayer, kevin wright and others.) i also caught up with pastors that i interned with for a summer in deleware. and saw some friends and other pastors from my time in south carolina. (matt and deborah rhodes, heath, buddy rampey and others.)

of course i traveled with the staff that i now work with in pulaski and it was a great time to connect with them and there wives. we were already a pretty close staff before but the times that we grew together during the trip were priceless.

this post really shows me that no matter who is speaking, we will be able to get a lot out of the conference just from who is there. if we have friends to share the experience and to encourage and build each other up people will come to something like this. connecting is huge, especially for pastors. we can have community at our churches, sure. but to come to something like this and be able to reconnect with multiple people who have known you for over 10 years, who have stood up with you in your wedding, it truly is something special.

thanks to all who put this together. next time lets see more wesleyans.