prisoner

I then, as Paul—an old man and now also a prisoner of Christ Jesus— Philemon vs 9

we have been told many times that we are to be servants, to be humble. we have been told that we need to relinquish our rights and hand them over to Christ. i really have been thinking about this passage since i read it yesterday morning.

so many times as christians we have plans to have a certain job, go on a certain vacation and choose what we will do or will not do. we think we have the right for love, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. but i have been wondering what are my rights. God did say that if He provided food for the sparrows then of course he would supply our needs. but is that our right. are we deserving of anything that we have been blessed with.

i then think about being a prisoner. limited to a small confines and is only able to leave when he is told he is able. he is fed at a certain time, not when he is hungry or he is not given a choice of what he would like to eat. a prisoner doesnt have any rights of his own.

but what does that look like in the area of God's kingdom. does God care about our rights or would he rather see His will be done on earth as it is in heaven. paul i think can best say that he was a prisoner, since he was one literally, but figuratively as well. his body was worn and went without food many times, was shipwrecked and imprisoned. i do not think he chose these things, but when he chose to follow God he chose the possibility of being persecuted for his faith.

it is this choice that makes us prisoners. God wasnt the one who decided to imprison you. it is and will be our choice to be a prisoner of God.

just a though

i would drive 4000 miles...

and i would drive 4000 thousand more. it really was worth it all. to see everything that we did within a two week period. it was filled with some of the coolest sites (bear tooth pass, old faithful, the grand tetons and more). the time was filled by driving 4000 miles with stories of college as we went with two good friends justin and lindsay gentry as well as catching up, deep theological discussions as well as rants about life. it truely was an amazing experience.

our time in estes park was awesome. we tented in a valley and had the amazing rockies surrounding us 360 degrees. we were able to catch up with six others from iwu there and had a great time playing board games, hiking, checking out estes park, swimming, playing horshoes and we even rented jet skis for a while.

but now it is back to the real world where jenny and i have to find a place to live, work and worship in community. we went looking for apartments in indy today and found a couple possible places. tomorrow i will concentrate closer on looking for jobs. we have a couple churches we are looking at, we will let you know where we end up.

go west young man

10 days ago we packed up the van and headed for chicago. we spent the day at navy pier, had a tour down chicago river and celebrated our anniversary. on july 30th we met up with our good friends in naperville and headed west. the destinations would be plentiful and have actually grown since our trip began. for the first two days all we did was drive. we stopped somewhere in eastern south dakota and woke up morning to do it all over again.

we saw a sign for wall drug starting 400 miles away. despite jenny telling us it wasnt much we had to see the purpose of having about 100 signs advertise it. we thought we could stop for five minutes and be okay but we wer wrong. by stopping at this tourist trap justin and i missed out on deadwood, sd which has gunfights daily.

we drove on to billings, montana where jenny's aunt and uncle live. we stayed there a few days and took in little big horn. (custar's last stand) and then it was off to yellowstone.

we had alot of fun there. we saw elk, buffalo, and proghorn within 2o feet of us. the drive alone let us see mountains and other amazing scenery. old faithful was amazing spewing between 4-8000 gallons of water. we went on hikes, went swimming at a firehole and enjoyed low 40s at night while we shivered inside our tent.

we drove through the tetons which were definately grand and lake jenny was beautiful as well.
we are now in colorado springs and yesterday went to the garden of the gods. today we will be going to meet james dobson at focus on the family.

community

i am learning more about what community is and what it should look like. two weeks ago i was able to be a counselor at rainbow christian camp. (where jenny attended as a teen and worked during summers.) it was an amazing camp where we and another pastor led a small group throughout the week where we would meet and debrief over the days events. we became a pretty tight nit group and were able to be quite transparent with each other. it seemed like each one of us were in a period of searching. the other pastor had resigned his job the day camp started. and the teens were either all going into their senior year or had just graduated from high school. that week we had community.

this past week i read the book "the irresistable revolution" by shane claiborne. it was the most inspirational and what i hope to be transforming book i have ever read. (yeah yeah of course other then the bible, but i hope you realized that already but just in case i felt i should add this.) he took chances for the kingdom, for community and for love of his neighbor. i am not sure how exactly this book will change me but if i can learn to love my neighbor like shane does then it will be worth it. this is a guy who has been persecuted for his faith. he has been in jail. he was in a car accident caused by a u.s. missile in iraq. he has slept in the cold, gone without food, boycotted taco bell because of unfair wages to migrant workers. this book showed me more about community.

tomorrow we leave for chicago. jenny and i will celebrate 3 years of marriage. . so for about 24 hours we will celebrate that as we spend the day on lakeshore dr, walk navy pier, maybe go into a museum, enjoy dinner together. but she more then anyone has taught me about community.
then on monday morning we will wake up in our best western hotel (thanks to the kindness of bob keisinger) in naperville, il (a suburb of chicago) eat our free continental breakfast and pick up our friends justin and lindsay for a short 20 hr drive to montana. we will stay in billings with jenny's aunt take in the sites at bighorn for a couple days and then head to yellowstone and the grand tetons. we will be tenting at grant village for three nights right on yellowstone lake. i am really excited about vacationing with such good friends as justin and lindsay. we are both in the same place in life as we are looking for jobs in the indy area. justin and i will both be starting grad school in nov at iwu. after we leave yellowstone we will be going to rocky mountain national park and meet up with more college friends. i am looking forward to the community.

i miss the community we had back in college. able to hang out all the time either playing cards or eating every meal together. we all became pretty close. something i havent really had for the last four years. sure i had some good friends but i think college sets you up in how you view community. i hope for that community again.

christianity: a paradox?

as defined by dictionary.com a paradox is a statement or proposition that seems self-contradictory or absurd but in reality expresses a possible truth.

it seems a bit weird but i have found that i am living a paradox. christianity with all its truth is surrounded by the absurd or contradictory things. let me explain. in the beatitudes we have the statement that says "blessed are the poor." by the worlds standards being poor is not a blessing at all. in fact some see it as a curse.

in matthew it also discusses the first shall be the last and the last shall be first. which is quite complex as well. if i am last how on earth can i be first?

romans 12 says i am to be a living sacrafice. it is a lot to rap your mind around. very contradictory but like the definition of a paradox expresses a possible truth. but this might be a reason why people are so confused with christianity. it expresses views that sometimes are hard to understand.

i hopefully will have some more time to expound on these ideas in other blogs. these are just a few of the paradoxes. do you have any that you have been chewing on? as for now i will let you go.

unemployment

it has already been more then a month since we first rolled out of pulaski. a month with no responsiblitiies and no schedule. it seems kind of weird. i am used to rolling out of bed early and getting ready to go to work. but since june 11th i have not set an alarm. i am still wondering about this new found freedom i have that is not bound by meetings, appointments, hospital visits and the youth. to tell you the truth i miss it. i miss the structure and feeling like i am doing something important.

as to date we have traveled over 3000 miles and been in the car 65 hrs. alot of driving. everything that we need is packed in a 2001 dodge caravan and everything we thought we could live with throughout the summer is in storage back in pulaski.

we heard back from bethel college. they decided to hire some graduates of the school instead. jenny was pretty uneasy about the position anyway so it is probably for the better. so because of that we are able to go out west. hopefully we will be able to fit in yellowstone, the grand tetons, las vegas and the grand canyon before we end up in colorado to visit with college friends.

i realized i forgot my bible at my parents house and tomorrow we head to jenny's church camp that she grew up at. i think i might go buy one tomorrow so i dont show up to camp without a bible. i would be a great example for all the high schoolers.

so it looks like we will probably be moving to the marion or indianapolis area. not quite sure. grad classes at iwu start on sept 25 so we have a while to work on housing, jobs and all that stuff. we will be arriving back from the west mid to late august so plenty of time. so if you live in those areas and know of some available housing or jobs let us know. see you later.

i said hey _____________________?

whats going on?

our life has been laid back. i am quite sick of riding in the car. in the last two weeks we left ny to go to indiana for an interview and made a surprise visit to jenny's dad for fathers day. i was able to see some really good friends (brooks, steve and michelle, their two kids, michael and manda). we then left indiana to head to maine. since a this past sunday we have traveled to bar harbor for four days, and my father and i went into boston yesterday for the sox game. we bought tickets from my uncle who shares season tickets with some other people. they won 2-1. tonight we are back in houlton. all in all i have been in the car 51 hours give or take. which is about 1/7 of my time.

it has a ll been good times and for the most part very relaxing. we still havent hear from bethel college about the job there. it has been 10 days since the interview and i am wondering what is going on with that. luckily i am a patient guy but i am assuming that they arent going to offer it to us or they would have by now. they did say they had a few more interviews to conduct so maybe that is the case too who knows. i will let you know when i know.

as far as the rest of life all i am considering at this point is what i will do first when we get to the cabin on east grand lake monday; water skiing, kayaking, knee boarding or tubing? decisions... life is rough at this moment.

other thoughts i have had the past week:
where will we end up?
that was the best burger i think i have ever had.
should i go to the outdoor or indoor pool?
where are we eating tonight?
what am i going to order?
i think i might be allergic to cats.
fenway is the greatest ballpark
jenny is hot

as you can see life is good. but i am starting to get restless. as much fun as i had this week. i am realizing i am a long way from retirement. i really need to be involved in something with a purpose and a deeper meaning. i need to have a ministry. there is a ministry position out there whether it is at bethel or somewhere eles waiting to be filled. now i need to find it. in the past i have made comments about the position needing to be a paid position and i feel that comment is limiting something of great potential. i do not want to limit God on wheree we will end up. today my friend jr mentioned something about going over to the nazarene church. all i know is i do not want to limit God.

new blog

check out the blog of our summer. we will take a minimum of 6 weeks off and we will see from there what else we will do. i will continue to update this blog and jenny will tell everything from her side.

http://www.livinginourvan.blogspot.com/

or check out the link of excellent adventure to the side

leaving

tomorrow is my last sunday at pulaski wesleyan and to bluntly tell you how i feel about leaving, it sucks. my heart yearns for this place. i was hoping to stay here for years to come. in the last year i have seen teens transformed. to look at them a year ago and to look at their lives now i am so excited to see what God has for them. i have seen the church grow immensely over the past two years and want to see where God will move in the future. the last 6 months we have had a vision committee meeting and talking about what is next in the building process here. i have seen three successful mission trips to new orleans (going on the first). i have seen babies born and start walking and running. it has been an amazing journey while here. and that is why it sucks so much to know God is leading us else where. i dont want to leave, this has been my home and i could have been very comfortable here in my position.

that is possibly the reason i need to leave. i am not sure what God has planned for us in the future. it is pretty scary. but i know if God is asking us to leave a place we love then the place he has for us must be pretty amazing. i see doors starting to open. i see God moving. but not necessary on to many of the details at this moment. that is okay, still scary but okay.

sunday is the annual church picnic and jenny's and mine last sunday here as youth pastors at pulaski wesleyan. we already had our tear jerker of youth service yesterday. they presented us with a scrap book with a different page made by a different teen.

boxes are starting to be filled and moving is starting to be a reality. mat kearney's song "where we gonna go from here?" has been played quite a bit and is also my prayer for now.

interesting morning

today i woke up unplugged my cell phone and walked out of the bedroom like i do almost everyday. it was 7:30 and almost imediately as i walked out of the room the phone rang in my hand. it was the church number so i answered to a frantic voice. it was wanda asking if i had been to the church that morning. i said "no, i just rolled out of bed." she said "the door is wide open with desk drawers open as well as the church safe." she asked me to come over and wait with her while the cops were on their way. so i brushed my teeth and walked over.

after further inspection we notice that a few doors had been jimmied open and the safe was cracked by someone who had found 3 numbers written on a piece of paper deeply buried in the back of wanda's desk.

this isnt the first time i have heard of a church burglarized and everytime i hear of one happening there are always a few more in town that have been hit. we later find out that the calvary baptist church in town was hit.

i am not sure how desperate you need to be to break into a church. they stole about $120, 3.5 sheets of 20 stamps, and a cordless phone. i feel saddened, not at all mad, by what happened. i feel for the soal that did this. was his family needing food or did he just need some drug money. either way it is sad. please pray for the individual(s) involved. have a nice day. i am off to rehearse for our comedy show on saturday.

what is ahead?

i have been bombarded by questions the last few weeks on what is ahead for jenny and i and truthfully i do not know. am i worried? i probably should be but i am relying on God in the fact that he doesnt take away without giving you something to replace it. my whole life i have had a schedule whether it has been school, work or life in general. i need to be this place by a certain time so i am not late. or i have to graduate college in 8 semesters because that is the norm. even vacations have somewhat been planned. i need to check in to the hotel by this time or make a certain flight.

starting june 11th i have no plans. jenny and i are talking about visiting our friend in south carolina, probably going up to maine over the 4th of july. maybe after that we will drive out west and visit friends and family in montana, colorado, go see the grand canyon. i only have one resume floating around out there that has some potential but if that falls through i am okay. in God's timing a position of some sort will come up. then i will go back to a schedule. right now i am looking forward to not having plans.

some of the things that people have talked to me about doing:
church planting in greensboro, nc (sounds like fun, esp. with a good friend)
rd at college- this sounds good, mentoring, discipleship in a college atmosphere (this would be a good place to start so i can go toward my goal of being a college chaplain.)
assistant pastor somewhere: sounds nice, but havent seen or heard of to many opportunities to do this.
go back to school: this would be a great option. i need to learn more. is it too late to apply for fall?

this is a great situation to be in. i think i am going to enjoy the journey wherever God takes me to get to where he wants me to be.

no easy way

i have now been at pulaski wesleyan 2 years. as you have read in my blogs the past two years i have loved every minute of it. i love the church, the pastoral staff, the youth. we made a home here. this has been an amazing experience that i will always look back on and say i saw so many amazing things happen there. in the two years we have gone from 270 and grown alot the last month we have average 400. people are coming to know Jesus every week. in the last 10 weeks we have seen 12 come to follow him and last week we baptized 6 of them. but as you have probably already realized i am speaking in the past tense. last night after church conference i made my resignation official to the newly elected church board.

it is hard to leave something you love. the last couple months i have been agonizing on what my life might look like. if i was really cut out for youth ministry. was it a calling or just something that i enjoyed. last wednesday i met with the staff and it really confirmed what i already knew. youth ministry is just not for me. my personality, gifts and strengths or i guess you could say SHAPE is not really suited for youth ministry.

i am starting to look ahead now. what is in my future? i have no clue. it is kind of interesting and i am not sure how often this happens but over a long distance cell phone conversation with my friend dave, i realized that a few of our friends from college including myself have less of a clue on what they want to do know then 4 years ago when we graduated from college. or maybe i am narrowing my vision by knowing now that youth will not be a part of the equation. i guess it is all about perception.

while this is one of the toughest decisions i have ever made. (i have cried more in the last week then i have in the last 10 years combined.) i am at complete peace. i will miss this place called pulaski. i will miss the church we called home for 2 years. but i am looking forward to the adventurous journey ahead.

when did religion become bad?

it seems like every where you turn in the church. people are saying i am not very religious, or it is not about religion but it is about a relationship with Jesus. i do not want to be overcome by semantics. i understand that i need to have a relationship with Christ. i understand that he can be our best friend. someone we can rely on when things are rough or someone we can celebrate with when things are great. part of our relationship is spending time with him on a regular basis through bible reading and prayer and any other way that you can connect with him.

but there is something more that Christ wants from us then a relationship. he wants our commitment. he wants us to love him and our neighbors. he wants us to feed the hungry, clothe the poor, visit the imprisoned.
in james 1:26-27 if someone doessnt keep a tight rein on his tongue then his religion is worthless. and religion that God our father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows.

i think we need some more religious people in the church. it cant be just about relationship but our religion needs to stem from our relationship with Christ. it would be hard for me to follow someone i do not love and believe in there message. so instead of saying i am not religious or religion is for me. i am glad i have found religion. i say thank God for religion.

suffering3--displace me

this year pulaski high school started a global awareness club. they picked a subject that they wanted to raise money for. they chose to raise money for a high school in northern uganda among the refugee camps. they picked a goal to raise 10,000 dollars. at one of their fundraisers (dinner, movie, auction) they showed the movie "invisible children." a funny and entertaining 45 minute documentary on the displacement camps in uganda. it was at this dinner they also gave information on a trip they would be taking to washington dc a week later for displace me. displace me was a peaceful rally to grow awareness on what is going on in uganda and try to see results from it.

i took a long shot and asked the lady in charge (jill) if it might be possible that i could go. she knew i was a youth pastor and jumped at the chance. so this past saturday i woke up at 5am to meet at the school to be a part of a group of 60 give or take for displace me. i was somewhat excited about the rally but the opportunity for me to meet more teens was a great chance for outreach. (please pray for the seeds i planted, that i will be able to water and see God grow the seeds)

the trip lasted approximately 42 hrs. when we arrived in dc at 4pm we set up our home for the night. we made a village out of cardboard amongst more home of card board. overall there were about 6,000 in attendance who also slept in their makeshift home. during the evening they showed new videos of what was happening in uganda. they had us write letters to senators, call 5 friends to tell them about what was going on. the most interesting thing for me was how one would eat in a refugee camp. the women would get the water and the men would be the hunters. so they gave us this task. for food the whole time we were there was water and saltine crackers. it was the womens job to bring water. they would have to wait in a line for water but could only grab one water at a time and bring it back to the men until everyone had water. the same thing happened for the guys with saltines. it made it a chore, it was part of their custom.

that night we went to bed in our cardboard cabin as the temperature declined and the humidity increased. i didnt sleep to well and ended up awake more time in the night then i was asleep. my body ached because of the cold and i am not sure if i was drifting in and out of sleep or a coma. i ended up walking around for a while til i warmed up and then would go back to bed. it made it for a long night. i was especially estatic to see the sun rise. i am not saying this to complain but to say i was displaced. i was uncomfortable with my surrounding for those 5-6 hours during the night. that little time of suffering made me really reflect on the refugee camps in uganda realizing that something like this wa happening for the last 21 years. some of these kids that this affected most had never known life without war and without a home.

we followed the night up with a tour of the holocaust museum. obviously another tragedy where countless people suffered. this weekend i was displaced. i was taken for a ride through some horrible images and emotions but lucky for me it was only a weekend. i was able to come home to my nice bed and be grateful for what i had. through suffering we can find a hope and a joy. unfortunately for those in uganda there is not much joy.

suffering2

we talked yesterday about trust. trust is essentially a very easy thing to do when things are going okay. however when things are array how are we at trusting. specifically yesterday we talked about trusting God when things are horrible. when things are at its worst. we ask ourselves, "why did God allow this to happen?" "how can he be a loving God if something like this happens?"

romans 8:28 is almost always brought up in these circumstances. "and we know that in all things God work for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." it brings hope and comfort for those who love God. but what about those who do not have a relationship with him. what if someone decided to become a christian because of this verse knowing that God will work out the good for him, but then tragically loses a child or a spouse, maybe becomes paralyzed or loses their home to a fire.

i ask myself these questions everytime i pray for naomi, a fifteen year old in our community that is a christian who has been in a bed for atleast a year due to leukemia, and now has to go through excruciating physical therapy to gain back use of her legs and arms.

i think of it everytime i think of jason and julie gasorowski. a youth pastor and wife from michigan who lost there baby in a car accident in which the majority of julie's body was burned.

unfortunately there is suffering in this world. suffering for those who are believers and unbelievers alike. sometimes people die before their time. sometimes the greatest person in the world who has devoted his life to helping out the needy in the inner city is beaten. but people still continue to ask God why.

God has obviously given us the gift of free will. this allows us to have personality. to wear the type of clothes that we like and listen to the type of music we enjoy. it is this same free will that allows us to choose to follow or forget Christ. the same free will that allows us to choose to take two handguns and kill 32 people on the virginia tech campus and then take your own life. the same free will that allows you to drive your vehicle to the store to purchase some groceries and that same free will that allows someone else to get in another vehicle while intoxicate. unfortunately horrendous accidents and choices are a part of life.

someone is sexually molested by a pastor or mistreated by a youth sponsor. board members can be there for recognition or to because they like the power. unfortuantely the church is not void of suffering, and this for people inside and out of the church can use this as a reflection of who God is and who He is not.

fortunately these things dont have to be seen as a punishment from God or that God allows these things to happen because he likes to see his people suffer. that is not the God i serve. God wants his people to cohabitate in peace and love his neighbor. he wants us to get along and serve each other. and even if 100% of the people on earth did this there would still be cancer, accidents, depression and injustice.

but in the end, eventually, all things do work together for the good of those who love him. we just need to learn to trust.

suffering

i try and grasp my mind around the concept of suffering. that is correct i said concept. because in reality i have no idea or could ever grasp my mind around suffering. you see, my life, like the majority of people that read this blog have no idea what suffering really is about. i have been reading "this beatiful mess" by rick mckinley who has devoted a chapter of helping his readers understand a little bit more about what is going on around them.

we are aware of darfur. but how much have we actually acted on? maybe it is because that we have no clue what on earth is actually happening half a world away. we read about paul and all the beatings that he took and how his appearance probably wasnt what we expect. he was beaten and stoned. he probably did not look like you and i.

maybe we can not understand suffering because we think of suffering as such a horrible thing. paul was arrested a few times throughout scripture. but today "we" live in a world that is tolerant of us sharing our faith. but yet we do not think about how in many closed countries today people have suffered for the kingdom of God. maybe it is because we cannot comprehend the idea of it or just do not want to take chances. how many of us have actually been persecuted for what we believe.

today we have grown up in a place that looks for pleasure. we need the good feeling of life treating us well. that might be the comfort of living in a nice home or driving a nice vehicle. but we live in a culture of sensuality and excess. if it feels good, do it. if you like it do it more.

i sit in my office today and realize it is april 17 but as i look out my window i see snow falling from the sky. so i complain because i have to wear a jacket rather than being able to go golfing. i live a pretty comfortable life and have no idea what suffering is but i wish i did. i might have more empathy of others who are going through lifes disasters. this being the day that followed the biggest shooting ever in the history of the united states on a college campus. those students, professors, their families and others are suffering. and i wish i could do something.

Rick McKinley wrote that it is hard to believe that you need God on a daily basis. and i tend to agree with him. my life is comfortable. i have everything i need and more. why is it that when we are in places like this it almost makes us forget that we need and rely on who God is.

multi-staff church

i have been thinking a lot about how lucky i am to be on a multiple staff. we have three full time pastors and a full time office manager to help run the show. we are all able to balance each other pretty well. bud (the senior pastor) is the ultimate people person. he would rather be hanging out with others then planning the sermon although he preaches really well too. but relationally he is top notch. he can relate with everyone at every different level. everyone loves him. greg(assistant) was officially hired to do everything that bud didnt have time to do. greg oversees and organizes all the ministries of the church lifestudies (sunday school), minichurch (sermon based small groups in multiple homes), music (he leads the worship team) he is basically the organized pastor. i am then left to manage youth ministries which is nice because i have a focus.

we all do visitation, premarital counseling, host dinners, host our own minichurch.

where one of us might be week the other is there to fill in the gaps. when one of us doesnt have time to do something we help each other to achieve the job possible. then wanda is their to keep us all in order so we are able to get it done efficiciently. it is great. but the four of us do not finish the multiple staff.

i have also been wondering how it would work in a church where there is only a solo pastor. he cant be a jack-of- all trades but in a sense he has to. but then i considered that we do not do everything ourselves. for that i am thankful. i would be a lot more tired. i would be burnt out. when i considered that every church if done right is a multi-staff church.

here are the staff positions that i came up with for our church. imagine if we had to do it all.

we have 9 board members
we have multiple life studies (nursery--adults) teachers
we have "women in ministry" who leads dinners for shut ins, prayer chain, puts together dinners and more
we have multiple mini church leaders
we have people who lead discipleship groups
we have others that are involved in the evangelism ministry
+ music team
+ sound techs
+ visual team
+ moms group
+ garden club
+ tellers
+ treasurer
+ trustees
+ kids club workers
+ youth sponsors
+ trash collection
+ custodians
+ counselors

i think i could go on and add a few more. but it is obvious that we are not a 4 person staff. we have at least a hundred people that are involved in some form of ministry. they are unpaid but as much needed as the paid staff that we do have. so i am thankful for all of those involved. and remember those who are "solo pastors" you always have someone else helping you.

what legalism can do

warning! please read the whole article before making any opinions. these are some of my experiences throughout my lifetime. they may not be the most correct view at times but i have always seen growth to get to where i am now in my beliefs.

in high school i had many catholic friends. they were some of the greatest friends. however i saw things in some of their lives that didnt seem right. even though they proclaimed a faith in the same God i followed it did not seem to change their lives. not that i can really talk because in high school i really did live out my faith like i should have either.

in college i took a class which we talked about roman catholicism. it was a great class that opened my eyes a little to my legalist view on the catholic church. prof. horst opened my eyes to be a little bit more accepting of the catholic faith then just what i had learned and accepted of them from my experiences with a few of them in high school.

in ministry i have met many former catholics that now attend our church. they talk about the lack of the gospel talked about in church and how they never experienced the love of Christ until after they had left the catholic church. i am still trying to understand the catholic church. in many ways i can see the goodness and hope that it provides. but if so many former catholics havent found out about the gospel then how can this be? were they catholic by name only? or did their parish only teach from the "other books."

until the other day i never thought of how roman catholics view us (protestants). i was out to lunch with a someone who used to go to our church now turned catholic. i have come to the point where this is okay. if that is where he needs to be then more power to him. i did ask him during the time that we were together why he left the church.

we then went on to discuss the four pillars of the church, martin luther, freedom, baptism and more. he then went off on me because i continue to be wesleyan. he said that he accepted i was a follower of Christ but then went on to tell me that i would never be able to live my faith out to the full. he told me i was in rebellion to God because i was not part of the "one church."

i went on not to condemn him but how i worried that this legalistic view could hurt his realtionships with his friends and his wife (who still attends our church). i told him that i didnt worry about him leaving our church to become catholic but that i worried he would shut everyone out of his life that did not have the same beliefs he did.

i went on to tell him that he and i would have to learn to focus on the majors of christianity rather then the minor stuff that we didnt agree on. he continued to tell me that there were only majors in christianity and if i didnt see that then.

i then asked him how his back was doing as he is on disability because he just had back surgery a month or two ago. unfortunately he missed the point. and i definately do not want to put any other catholic in the same boat as he is in. but at the same time there must be others who believe the same as this man. and my heart hurts.

please help me pray for this man.

withdrawal

i dont think you can realize how much you will miss something until it is already gone. i needed it. i was addicted. i loved it with all my heart. when i said good bye i thought i was going to cry. i felt like i had lost all my super powers.

almost six years i bought my first car. it wasnt anything flashy or sporty. it wasnt the nicest car but it ended up being the most dependable car. i spent $4400 on it. it was a white honda civic. during the six years i traveled quite a bit. i am originally from maine and went to college in indiana. so i am not sure how many times i made that drive. i had an internship in delaware for a summer and drove back and forth twice with a trip to maine in the middle. i lived in south carolina and drove to indiana a few times from there.

overall i put about 80,000 miles on the car. i bought it with about 115,000 miles on it and when i sold it for $1500 this past friday. my only regret was that i wont be the one drive 200,000 mile. it is kind of ironic really that i sold it to a college student who will also be driving back and forth to iwu and is also a ministry major.

some of the memorable moments:
driving through multiple snow storms
my first accident happened when i was driving jenny (now my wife) home to meet the parents.
road trips with friends to concerts, spring break and a last minute drive to michigan
it has been pranked with oreos and toilet paper
blown tire on the way to myrtle beach
stopping at a truck stop to catch a quick nap on the way back from a wedding

i ended up buying a caravan to replace it. i figure i would need it to tote around all the kids. i should say teens from my youth group. hopefully non of you thought jenny was pregnant.

the var gave me everything and more i could have ever asked of it. and averaging 40 miles a gallon it saved me a lot of money. good but old friend.

speaking and the heart

last week i was approached by a friend after playing basketball at the local high school. he attends our "band of brothers" (tuesday bible study for men.) he asked about some comments that were said in the previous weeks study. i cringed before he said it because i knew exactly what he was going to mention. the week before some how we were on the topic of iraq and other muslims. in life a lot of time we make general statements that can be offensive. how we bring together and bash that group of people. for example, all muslims are bad.

obviously that is not true. i think we all know we can not say general statments like that. 1. it isnt true and 2. it seems hateful and spiteful to group all muslims in the same group as those who flew into the world trade towers. 3. we are christian who need to show love rather then hate.

it is all dangerous. because it shows what is "overflowing from our heart." sin is obviously a dangerous thing that in times in our life seems out of control. but it is these sins that show our true character and integrity.
we all deal with different types of sin and none of it being good. in my life i have conquered sin of wanting to pick up a porn magazine, the potential of drunkeness as well as others. but does that specifically mean i no longer sin. no, i just deal with other types of it.

before i was married i thought i was a great christian. then i realized after a few months of it that i was a very prideful person that needed to learn to be more compassionate and loving. things we say are an overflow from our heart. if i say something hurtful to jenny, it can be traced right back to my heart.

we all know people that struggle with things in their life. while it may be drunkeness, self control, homosexuality or are just lost because they do not know Christ. the example brought up this morning was, maybe we are joking around about being gay. but in that same group there is someone who struggles with the attraction to the same sex. will we ever be approachable by that person to tell us that they are struuggling in that issue.

we talk about loving Christ and our neighbor, but sometimes with one joke we can lose all credibility that we had. we need to learn to love through "all" we say and do as it is an overflowing of our heart.